When low sexual desire in women is defined as a significant lack or reduction in sexual interest, thoughts, arousal, or pleasure leading to tremendous personal distress, it’s easy to wonder what is wrong. But this doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you, just that there’s something wrong happening…
Even more when it’s labeled with a medical term like Female Sexual Desire Disorder, Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD), or Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder (FSIAD).
As you continue to search online for the terms low sexual desire in women or female lack of sexual desire, you find more and more articles talking about being a common condition often underdiagnosed, with underlying factors including:
- Physiological issues (hormones, medications, medical conditions)
- Psychological factors (stress, depression, trauma)
- Sociocultural (limiting beliefs, relationship dynamics)
These are things that can make you believe that you’re in deeper trouble than you originally thought. It can also trigger a shift in thinking from there’s something wrong, in general, to there’s really something wrong with me, it’s my fault. And who wouldn’t?
Especially when you are taught and told you are supposed to respond in a certain way sexually, and when you don’t, whose fault is it? Isn’t it your body?
And that’s exactly how they want you to feel. For you to believe that your lack of or low sexual desire is your fault, which is why “so many women are convinced they are sexually broken,” – Emily Nagoski, sex educator and author of Come As You Are.
One thing about feeling broken is that you begin to believe you’re sick and need to be fixed, which means ‘cha-ching’ to the medical industry since they have treatments ready to prescribe to you and make you all better.
But if their treatments actually worked and made you better, why is the problem only getting worse?
- The most common reason why women seek treatment is low interest or desire
- The top 5 sexual problems for women are a lack of arousal, desire, orgasm, satisfaction, and pleasure
Who wouldn’t feel sexually broken if this is what you normally experience?
That is why when I ask myself what is happening, I want to understand what’s causing the low sexual desire in women, not just look at the symptoms. When I do that, I notice an important part of the medical definition given – that low sexual desire is a common condition often underdiagnosed.
BAAAM! That’s when it hit me, if it’s a common condition, that means that far toooooooo many women are struggling with the same problem.
And the term condition makes it sound like you’re sick and need to be ‘fixed’ as in something is ‘broken’ when it can be a healthy and normal response to a ‘bad and unpleasurable situation’ not in your favor.
So first of all, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is not your fault. You are not sexually broken like they have made you think, feel, and believe this entire time.
There’s definitely something wrong, and it’s not you, ladies. You cannot all be ‘defective’ from birth.
Let’s start with the often underdiagnosed part since it opens the door up to everything else. A broken system not designed for your pleasure.
Underdiagnosed – failure to correctly diagnose a disease or condition, especially in a significant proportion of patients, aka, women.
And not a disease or condition, but more about a problem females face because of how we do things.
Our broken system has created a diagnostic bias where we only see sexual response through a certain lens. This lens is the male sexuality perspective, which runs contrary to female sexuality and your natural sexual response.
But when do you ever hear those 2 terms in any conversation or article online about sex & emotional well-being for women?
And the reason is that we’ve all been taught & told that sex & desire ‘should’ happen in this particular way, men’s sexuality. That’s why you’ve been made to feel & believe there’s something wrong with you or worse, that it’s all your fault!
We all have to do better.
Let’s take a look at the symptoms:
- Significantly reduced or absent sexual thoughts & fantasies
- Persistent lack of desire for sexual activity
- Diminished interest in initiating sexual activity
- Unreceptive to a partner’s initiation
- Decreased excitement or pleasure during sexual activity
- Lack of response to sexual stimuli
The “solution” or treatment being offered is a broken mindset of going after the usual suspects, the easy things they like to blame. (hormones, monogamy, troubled “drive”, and just take a pill, everything will be just fine, relax…) But in reality, they are not the ones responsible for the low sexual desire in women.
- Your body is actually working properly in a dysfunctional & broken system not designed for your pleasure?
- The answer to your low sexual desire is as simple as having a more compelling reason to be interested in or want the sex you actually want & desire?
- The true cause of your troubled sexual desire ignition is all about understanding female sexuality and your sexual response process, and stop forcing you to behave like men when it comes to sex.
What would you say if I told you that you can experience sexual desire in 2 ways, but we have all learned about one way and continue to approach everything through that one way?
And this has sadly turned low sexual desire in women into a common condition and medical ‘disorder’ that needs to be treated with medicine. Making you feel & believe that you are ‘sick’ and convinced that you are sexually “broken” when you’re not.
Consider this reality from Peggy Kleinplatz, a clinical psychologist & sexologist, and her team:
“Perhaps much of what is currently diagnosed as Sexual Desire Disorders can be best understood as a healthy response to dismal and disappointing sex.”
Let’s debunk the ‘disorder’ with actual science and female sexuality research
Would you like to know what causes sexual desire to misbehave and disappear?